


snippets from Shadow

by UnicornofAmber



Category: Chronicles of Amber - Roger Zelazny
Genre: Half-Sibling Incest, Other, Sibling Incest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-30
Updated: 2021-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:07:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,063
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28438116
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UnicornofAmber/pseuds/UnicornofAmber
Summary: Some fun moments among the Amberites that arent in the books.
Comments: 8
Kudos: 3





	1. Chapter 1

**Lover nr. 1659:** What is your problem with me?

  
 **Flora** : my problem is the fact that you arent constantly showering me with the love and attention I obviously deserve.

-()-

**Bill Roth** : If you had to take a shot for every stupid thing you did, would you still be sober?

 **Llewella** : absolutely

 **Random** : I would be tipsy.

 **Corwin** : Completely wasted.

 **Merlin** : dead.

-()-

**Deirdre** : Daddy, can I have the salt?

* **Oberon and Corwin reach for the salt***

 **Deirdre** : ....

 **Oberon** : ....

**Corwin: *becomes redder than the jewel of judgement***

**Eric** : Can someone get me the pepper?

-()-

**Caine** : Are you in love with Vialle?

 **Random *sweating*** : ...No.

 **Caine** : Then why do you draw R+V inside of hearts everywhere?

 **Random *stammering*** : oh... uhm... It stands for Revenge and Violence.

-()-

**Caine** : how come whenever I have fun, it is considered wrong?

 **Gerard *deadpanned*:** people die when you have fun.

-()-

 **Coral** : I can’t believe we are locked in this room together.

  
 **Merlin *throwing the key out of the window*:** Truly unfortunate..

-()-

**Julian** : So did you kiss her?

 **Caine** : No, the moment wasn't right. Look, Vinta could be my future wife. I want our first kiss to be amazing.

 **Julian** : Aw Caine that's so sweet! You chickened out like a little bitch.

-()-

**Corwin *while smootching with Dara*** : Alright tell me what you want.

 **Dara** : talk to me like you are a fucking idiot.

 **Corwin** : huh?

 **Dara** : Thats _perfect_ , keep it up like that.

-()-

 **Benedict *by trump*** : Send dudes!

  
 **Flora** : Send nudes?

  
 **Benedict** : I am in the middle of a war, Flora! What do you think?!

  
 **Flora** : .... nukes?

  
 **Benedict** : NO!

-()-

**Eric** : I gave Corwin a get well soon card.

 **Benedict** : that’s surprisingly nice of you.

 **Eric** : he’s not sick. I just think he should do better.

-()-

**Merlin** : I know we’re best friends but like, I’d fuck you if you asked.

 **Coral** : what?

 **Merlin** : what?

 **Luke, loudly slurping his tea in the background** : He said he’d fuck you if you asked!

-()-

**Gerard** : Caine died for us.

 **Caine** : Stop saying to people that I am dead!

 **Gerard** : Sometimes I can still hear his voice.

**Caine *groans***

-()-

* **Flora knocks on Erics bedroom door***

***Eric opens***

**Flora** : Hey.

 **Eric** : Hi.

 **Flora** : I cant sleep.

 **Eric** : I can. * **slams door shut***

-()-

**Corwin** : what are you gonna do, stab me?

 **Eric** : ....

 **Corwin** : actually, don't answer that.

-()-

**Corwin** : I don't understand why you don't just let Martin go alone into Shadow.

 **Random** : Look at him, Corwin! I can't just leave him! He'll get eaten alive out there without my protection!

 **Martin *on the other side of the tavern*:** WHAT did you just SAY about my fathers music, you motherf--

 **Random *with feeling*:** he's so FRAGILE

**Martin: *throws drink in man's face, vaults over table, starts hitting the dude with his sax***

-()-

**Julian *to Fiona*** : I like your dress.

 **Fiona** : thanks, it was 50% off.

 **Julian** : I like it 100% off.

 **Fiona** : a store can't just give away free stuff.

 **Julian** : thats not what I-

 **Fiona** : Thats a terrible way to run a bussiness, julian.

-()-

**Merlin** : I have the urge to do something stupid.

 **Coral** : I am stupid. Do me.

 **Merlin** :....

 **Coral** :... Did I say that out loud?

-()-

**Brand** : If I died, how much would you miss me?

 **Jasra** : It’s cute that you think death can get you out of this relationship.

-()-

**the houses of Chaos who worship Random** : ah yes the king of Amber, who reconciled with his lost son, married with his true love, and never competed for the throne, yet unselfishly took on its burden when the Unicorn chose him.  
how noble and just of him. what a sacrifice it must have been.

 **the people of Amber, who see Random making Unicorns out of paper, creating storms with the Jewel to drench/pester his siblings and fuck Vialle twice a day** : yes, he is very... grand. who could ever know how much this sacrifice burdens him.

-()-

**Corwin** : I’m giving up alcohol for a month.

 **Merlin *shocked*** : Really?

 **Corwin** : Wait, that didn’t come out right. I’m giving up. Alcohol for a month.

-()-

**Random:** Truth or dare?

 **Eric** : Truth

 **Random** : How many times have you slept with Flora?

 **Eric** : Dare!

 **Random** : I dare you to sleep with Flora.

 **Eric** : .... I don't like this game.

-()-

**Corwin *discussing Coral*** : So... new girlfriend?

 **Merlin** : My aunt, actually.

 **Corwin** : thats my boy!

-()-

**Caine *while being hugged by Vinta*** : What is this?

 **Vinta** : Affection.

 **Caine** : Thats disgusting.

 **Vinta** : ......

 **Caine** : Do it again.

-()-

**Eric** : Truth or dare?

 **Random** : Dare.

 **Eric** : I dare you… to kiss the cutest person in the room.

 **Random** : Morganthe?

 **Morganthe *blushing*** : Yeah?

 **Random** : Can you move aside? I need to get to Vialle.

-()-

**Corwin** : Eric, what the hell is on your neck?

 **Eric** : Just a mosquito bite.

 **Flora, entering the room** : Hi, Corwin!

 **Corwin** : Hi, mosquito.

-()-

**Luke** : So what is it like, dating Julia?

 **Merlin** : Once, I asked her for water while she was angry at me. She just made some ice cubes and said “Wait.”

-()-

 **Brand *to Fiona*** : You’re not listening. I can say whatever I want, can’t I?

 **Fiona** : Tell me about it.

 **Brand** : I spilled Martins blood upon the Pattern last night.

 **Fiona** : uh-huh, I feel you.

 **Brand** : Now, I have a taste for blood. Corwin is going to be next.

 **Fiona** : Been there.

-()-

**Gerard** : How did you convince Eric to join you in prison?

 **Vialle** : Well, I got drunk, rode to Amber, set our marriage certificate on fire in front of Eric and said, "good luck trying to return me to Rebma without the receipt!"

 **Gerard** : ....

 **Random *sighs dreamily*** : What a woman.

-()-

**Fiona** : My food's too hot. I can't eat it.

 **Julian *winking*** : You're hot too but I still eat you.

 **Oberon *slamming his hands on the table*** : ONE DINNER!!!

**Flora *sighs and stops playing footsies with a red-faced Eric***

**Corwin *sighs and tucks away Deirdres pornographic trumpcard*:** Here we go again...

 **Oberon** : ONE NORMAL DINNER IS ALL I ASK FOR!!

-()-

 **Random** : Anyone else d-

 **Corwin** : Depressed?

 **Caine** : Dead?

 **Llewella** : Drained?

 **Benedict** : Demented?

 **Julian** : Disliked?

 **Random** : Done...with the paperwork.

 **Everyone** : ....

 **Random** : What is wrong with you people?


	2. Chapter 2

Brand: Never stop wishing, Martin, and all your dreams will come true.

Martin: Even the scary ones?

Brand *begins to laugh*

Brand: YES.

-()-

Luke *giving King Merlin a pep talk* Don't let anyone else ruin your day!

Coral: Yeah! You gotta take matters into your own hands! RUIN YOUR OWN DAY!

Luke: NO!

-()-

Oberon: While I'm gone, Eric and Corwin - you're in charge.

Eric and Corwin *high fiving* Yes!

Oberon *whispering* Gerard, you're secretly in charge.

Gerard: Obviously.

-()-

Corwin *when Random wants to shoot the truck driver*: What did I teach you about shooting people?

Random: How. You taught me how.

-()-

Brand: Hello darkness, my old friend.

The Abyss: I'm not your friend.

-()-

Corwin: Would you take a bullet for me?

Gerard: ... yes?

*Benedict angrily storms in*

Corwin *running away*: Thanks!

-()-

Oberon: Caine, do you have something to say to Random?

Caine *wiggling his feet and staring at the floor*: ...I'm sorry I tried to slit your throat.

Oberon: Random?

Random: ....I'm sorry you're my brother.

-()-

Eric *lies wounded with the jewel on his chest*

Gerard *arrives*: omg, Eric you are bleeding! quick, what is your bloodtype?

Eric: B positive

Gerard: I'm TRYING 

-()-

All of Oberons children: "One shudders to imagine what inhuman thoughts lie in the head of the king of Amber... what dreams of cruelty, intelligence and ambition he must have!"

Oberon *to himself*: I want to f*ck.

-()-

Gerard: Flora! Eric is dying, I need to call 911 but the 9 button isn't working! What do I do now?!

Flora *yelling* turn it upside down and use the six!

Gerard: _genius!_

Eric *choking on his own blood*: What the actual FUCK?!

-()-

Corwin: Something brought you here. Call it what you will: fate, destiny...

Dara *deadpanned* Your dad.

-()-

Random and Vialles daughter: Mom, how do I get revenge on my enemies?

Vialle: The best revenge is letting go and living your life to the fullest.

Her daughter:.....

Vialle: ....

Her daughter: Dad, how do I-

Random: Knife.

-()-

Fiona: Do I look nice?

Corwin: You look like you're about to set someone on fire.

Fiona: Perfect.

-()-

Vialle: hey, what time is it?

Random: I don't know, pass me my drumsticks.

Random *starts playing loudly*

Moire: WHO THE FUCK IS PLAYING DRUMS AT 2 AM

Random: its 2 am, dear.


	3. Chapter 3

**Merlin:** I'm writing my autobiography. Any tips?

**Jurt** : Kill off the main character.

-(

**Corwin** *when dara is walking the pattern*: Wait. You’re forgetting something!

**Dara:** What?

**Corwin:** Well, being an evil villain, you are contractually required to explain your plan before you get rid of us.

-()-

**Merlin** : Remember when you didn’t try to solve all your problems with attempted murder?

**Luke** : Stop romanticizing the past.

-()-

**Random:** You're the love of my life, I would do anything for you.

**Vialle** : I want you to eat three meals a day and have a decent sleep schedule.

**Random:** Absolutely not.

-()-

**Eric:** Would you kill Random for a dukedom?

**Caine:** I would roundhouse kick him in the face for free.

-()-

**Flora:** How would it feel to shove a knife up your butt?

**Llewella *glaring over the pages of her book*:** Say one more word and you'll have an answer to that.

-()-

**Eric:** you bored?

**Corwin** : yeah.

**Eric:** wanna start a fight for no reason?

**Corwin:** I thought you’d never ask.

-()-

**Martin:** Hey can I go ride my skateboard outside?

**Vialle** : Sure, I’m not your mother.

***Martin runs off***

**Vialle:** NOT IN THE STREET!

-()-

**Martin *bursting in*:** Sorry that I am late, Dara didnt want me to come.

**Random *grimacing*:** thats more information than I needed.

-()-

**Luke:** Now that I have your attention

**Merlin:** You don’t have my attention.

**Luke:** Ghostwheel-

**Merlin:** I’m listening.

-()-

**Random *hands Vialle a cup of water***

**Vialle:** *drinking it* Thanks, what’s this for?

**Random** : Llewella says you get thirsty around me.

**Vialle *chokes on water***

-()-

**Coral** : I can’t believe you and Luke broke the bed last night

**Mandor** : Must have been a wild night.

**Merlin:** Haha… Yeah…

 ***last night***

**Merlin:** Bet you can’t jump high enough to touch the ceiling!

**Luke:** Try me.

**Brand** : Son, something happens and I don't make it, just know I'll be looking up and watching over you.

 **Luke:** Up?

 **Brand:** Oh, yeah, I'll be in hell for sure.

-()-

 **Flora:** There are just some sounds that everyone loves, like the crackling of a fire.

 **Vialle:** rain hitting a roof.

 **Dara:** The snapping of necks of those who think they can disrespect you.

-()-

 **Dworkin:** There are 7 chairs and 10 kids. What do you do?

 **Oberon:** Chop 6 chairs, have the children fight to the death and let the surviving kid sit on the remaining chair.

 **Benedict:** Last three to the table eat standing up. They'll learn to be faster.

 **Eric:** the most useful ones can sit down.

 **Corwin *glares at Eric*** stab yourself and bloodcurse every chair safe your own.

 **Caine** : Booby trap the other six chairs so those who sit can be humiliated before those who were forced to stand.

 **Bleys:** I don't know about the rest of you but i'll sit at the bar.

 **Fiona:** Conjure 3 more chairs.

 **Brand:** kill three kids.

 **Everyone** :... That's not how-

 **Brand:** Yes, it is.

-()-

**Bill** : You have been to the hospital so much that they gave you a punch card?!

 **Corwin, in a hospital gown** : One more head injury and I get free jello!

-()-

Benedict: Can anyone give me an example of failure?

Bleys: [Raises hand]

Benedict: Perfect, another example?

-()-

Eric: *holds the door open for Corwin* After you.

Corwin: Oh, no, after you.

Eric: I insist, after you.

Random: *pushes past both of them and places crown on his head* After me.

Corwin:....

Eric:....

-()-

Corwin: You read my diary?!

Roger Zelazny: At first, I didn’t know it was your diary. I thought it was a very sad handwritten book.

-()-

Jurt: you're so short. What can you even see down there?

Random *without looking up from his paperwork*: Your IQ.

-()-

Corwin: I made a mistake. Now are you going to help us fix it or are you going to continue to berate us?

Benedict: I am perfectly capable of doing both at the same time.

-()-

Corwin: the real treasure is the friends we made along the way :D

Bill Roth: No. The real treasure would be your overdue explanation.

-()-

Benedict *angrily* Fuck Chaos!

Corwin * looking at Dara and taking off his shirt* Way ahead of you, brother.


End file.
